Moving on
When do you know its really over. When do you know if you've finally gotton over.
I guess you'll never know until fate walks up to you and tests you. Yesterday i underwent my first test. Saw him at zouk ( ok or rather, i caught a glimpse of him cos i hurriedly turned away) a few steps away from me and i kinda darted towards to entrance ( well to give myself some credit, i was on the way out.. i just hastened my pace). To make things even better, i looked FANTASTIC yesterday in my baggy top and slippers. LOL.
I guess what hit me the most was seeing how happy he was. Kinda sucky cause there he was making moving on seem like the simpliest thing in the world, and here i am ,reeling from the impact the relationship had on my life. God that sucked big time. It kinda stirred up alot of negative vibes i felt about myself..and heightened my fear that i would never get over it.
But well...i kinda surprised myself, because what i thought would feel like a thousand knives piercing me ,( Hhahah cliche) felt like only a hundred. before i slept last night, i gave myself a prep talk...I guess everyone has the right to move on and just becos he does so so much faster than me shouldnt make me feel inferior in anyway. Maybe its just God's plan that i heal slower and learn more. Its just that the bloody perfectionist in me cannot stand to admit failure and defeat. I don't know if anyone else feels like that but sometimes it feels as though someone is always moving the finishing line. And it gets exhuasting simply trying to chase the end.
But im going to get over this. I will. Its been six months, and it may take six more. It may take another year, or two ...i dont know but i will get over it.
Nothing in life is easy but if you can brave it, if you can overcome it, i promise you you will discover who you really are.
I guess you'll never know until fate walks up to you and tests you. Yesterday i underwent my first test. Saw him at zouk ( ok or rather, i caught a glimpse of him cos i hurriedly turned away) a few steps away from me and i kinda darted towards to entrance ( well to give myself some credit, i was on the way out.. i just hastened my pace). To make things even better, i looked FANTASTIC yesterday in my baggy top and slippers. LOL.
I guess what hit me the most was seeing how happy he was. Kinda sucky cause there he was making moving on seem like the simpliest thing in the world, and here i am ,reeling from the impact the relationship had on my life. God that sucked big time. It kinda stirred up alot of negative vibes i felt about myself..and heightened my fear that i would never get over it.
But well...i kinda surprised myself, because what i thought would feel like a thousand knives piercing me ,( Hhahah cliche) felt like only a hundred. before i slept last night, i gave myself a prep talk...I guess everyone has the right to move on and just becos he does so so much faster than me shouldnt make me feel inferior in anyway. Maybe its just God's plan that i heal slower and learn more. Its just that the bloody perfectionist in me cannot stand to admit failure and defeat. I don't know if anyone else feels like that but sometimes it feels as though someone is always moving the finishing line. And it gets exhuasting simply trying to chase the end.
But im going to get over this. I will. Its been six months, and it may take six more. It may take another year, or two ...i dont know but i will get over it.
Right now, my iTunes are playing breakup songs and songs of hope, but one day it will play songs of Love and i will think of you without heartache.
Right now, every other entry may seem depressing but one day, my entries will be about someone else. And one day i will look back on THIS entry and smile
These are the years worth living and i'm going to make the best time out of my life.
I'm not doing it because you've moved on .
i'm doing it for Me.
Nothing in life is easy but if you can brave it, if you can overcome it, i promise you you will discover who you really are.
posted by Sheryl at
3:06 PM
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