Dear Nat

u Today is the 9th June 2008

And its been one year. One unbelievable and live-changing year.

I have been pondering on whether to send Nat a letter on this day, but i've decided against it. Instead, i will post his letter here. I don't care how chessy it sounds but here it goes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear baby,

How are you? Hope you are doing great in Maybank and that life's been great for you. Guess what, its been one whole year since we've broken up. God, time really flies doesn't it?

Recently, i logged on to multiply and went through all the folders of pictures we had. Those were some pretty great times. Remember the first chalet at sentosa, the silly sailor moon stuff we did, the cooking sessions we had and the many many outings at the beach? We looked really different then, so much younger yet so much less cynical. I was reading the captions of the photos we took and most of them were affirmations of my stubborn and naive believe that we were meant to be. Well...who knew?

This one year has been really tough for me. But at the same time, it has been totally life changing. Its funny how one person can impact your life so much and leave such a significant impression. I felt as though you made me grow up over night. When it first happened, i was in total denial and all the advice i've given friends who have been heart broken went out the window. I was told that everything happens for a reason and that when God closes one door he opens another ..blah blah blah but i was too hurt to even think that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But looking back, i realised i was wrong.

At first, all i could focus on was what i was losing. Which was you, our dreams and our love. But now, i know that i was focusing on the wrong thing because this breakup was the most practical lesson that life could throw at me.

I lost myself when i was together with you. Like many other dumb person in love, i threw myself in the relationship and gave up my own dreams, my personality and who i was in order to be who you wanted me to be. Putting you on a pedestol made me inscure and incomplete.And i thought that void could be filled with more love from you. but the ignorance in me prevented me from seeing that i felt like that because i was losing me. This one year, I've learnt more about myself than i've ever known. And i promise myself i will never change who i am for another person because life doesn't just revolve around one person, but much more than that.

I thank God for this breakup because so much good came out from it. I found God again and i will never forget how he reached out into my wretched life and saved me. I know who my true friends are and i am so grateful for all who have stood by me through my ordeal. I was the most whiny bitch but you guys just tolerated my shit (: It drew me closer to my family. It gave me new found indepence. It made me less self centered. And its going to bring me someone better in my life. And im so proud of myself for staying single for a year, it was something i never thought i'd be able to do but i did it.

I've learnt that life is soooooo unexpected. We can plan out our life all we want but sometimes fate just comes along and has a different route for us. When that day comes, all we can do is try to take our disappointment with a pinch of salt because God never fails us. His timing is perfect and he alone knows what is best for us.

I don't regret our relationship at all. It was, without question, one of the best times of my life. You made me know love, and though the aftermath hurts like shit, i experienced the best best best feeling in the world. And i'm glad you were my first love because no one else could have made it more perfect.

I don't know if i will ever be able to have such feelings for anyone anymore. I don't know if i will stop doubting people. I don't know how long it will take for me to find someone new. I have so many unknowns littered in front of me but i feel so much stronger to deal with it this time. The fact that i have overcomed such extreme emotional pain has given me hope that there isn't anything that cannot be conquered without patience, faith and effort.

Its finally time to close our chapter. finally. There was an entry last year where i wrote that one day i will listen to love songs and think about you without heartache. And i have been doing so for a long time now (: Thank you for being one of the best parts of my life. I only wish the best for you and you will still be kept in my prayers.

I loved you once and i always will.

With love

Ps. BC, thanks so much for that really wonderful song. I came home and was feeling so emo and you have NO idea how much your song meant to me. really. And you're right , we're going to be the luckiest girls (: I am your hardcore groupie, the song rocks my socks (its on my repeat mode!!!) BIG BIG HUG

This will be the last entry i write about you